2008 Unable to Complete Year: Alan Colmes to Take over

2009 REFUSES TO TAKE OVER

In what could cause a solar calendar catastrophe not seen since the missing June 5th debacle of 1914, lawyers for 2008 say that their client will be stepping down as a measurement of time two weeks short of the standard 52 weeks.

“While it was always 2008’s intention to finish out the Gregorian calendar’s contracted 365 days, the unforeseen devastating events and tragic losses have left my client in too weakened a condition to fulfill the entire commitment,” said attorney Chambers Brothers explaining the stress 2008 has been under.

“With so many catastrophes, including the horrific economy, the 133,000 killed in the Myanmar cyclone and George Clooney’s “Leatherheads,” a lesser year would have quit by Labor Day.”

Reports of potential life-threatening problems have been swirling around the year since March.  Doctors for 2008 reported that what was at first thought to be just a simple blemish in mid-January, mushroomed into skin-cancer by Spring.

“Just like a lot of the young and naive, 2008 thought that laying out in the Sun wouldn’t be harmful,” said Dr. Ann Yule, “and when fuel prices skyrocketed, the Chinese earthquake wiped out 69,000 lives in May, the global financial crisis blew a hole through the stock the market, the rash developed into full-blown melanoma.  With the pro-longed presidential primary and the passing of Paul Newman, 2008 went into a severe clinical depression and was never able to get the rest it needed to fight the cancer.”

“A shortened life-expectancy shouldn’t be a surprise,” Yule added. 

While the Sun is expected to complete its annual turn around the Earth, with the early departure of 2008 and 2009 unprepared to takeover any sooner than early January, without a last minute fill-in, the estimated 14-day December hole would cause the space-time continuum as we know it to fall into a black hole far past its event horizon. Reports have negotiations being held between Gregorian officials and the soon to be available Alan Colmes to have the former Hannity & Colmes co-anchor step in through December 31st.

Developing

Steve

One Response to “2008 Unable to Complete Year: Alan Colmes to Take over”

1. HENRY on December 12th, 2008 5:04 pm

   it must be like being released from prison, for alan colmes. after serving near life with sean hannity. he was not paid enough to put up with that fair and inbalanced blow hard.

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