Gingrich Demands Cowell To Step Down After Adam Lambert Loss

May 21, 2009 · Filed Under Kind of Satire, Media 
Calling American Idol judge Simon Cowell a “trivial judge, viciously using partisanship for the narrowest of purposes,” Newt Gingrich said that the selection of Kris Allen over Adam Lambert in last night’s American Idol final was reason enough to believe that Cowell “…could no longer be trusted to determine talent.”

“Cowell engaged in a despicable, dishonest and vicious political effort to withhold what he knew about the American Idol’s harsh selection techniques,” said the former House Speaker.

Gingrich said Cowell “lied to the American public” when he all but named Lambert the winner earlier in the competition.

“The American people are devastated by this betrayal of their screaming adoration for Adam,” said Gingrich, wiping away a tear.

Cowell who had claimed that he had never briefed Idol’s use of election methods like “Christian-block voting,” which is considered torture by the glam fans of Lambert, like Gingrich. who sporting black nail polish and spiked grey hair, admitted to being an early Sex Pistols devotee.

“I think that the FCC as well as anyone who ever grooved to the New York Dolls has an absolute obligation to open an inquiry,” said Fox News Host, Sean Hannity. “Whether you call it enhanced interrogation or torture, it’s important for fans to know what Cowell knew about Allen winning and when did he know it.”

Cowell associate and judge, Randy Jackson, called Gingrich’s claims “just a distraction meant to divert attention away from the losses of Chris Daughtry and Jennifer Hudson during the Bush Administration.”

“Gingrich and his Ramone wannabes just want to confuse the real issue,” said Jackson. “Whether Vice President Cheney or Donald Rumsfeld lied us into Taylor Hicks and Fantasia…dog.”

Paula Abdul had no comment.

I’m kidding.

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Comments

5 Responses to “Gingrich Demands Cowell To Step Down After Adam Lambert Loss”

  1. pz on May 21st, 2009 3:34 pm

    Adam got the screw. I bet Gingrich looket HOT in those nails and spikey hair. Will he sing with KISS anytime soon?

  2. Jean P on May 21st, 2009 7:16 pm

    People this is Politics.The show is on the Republirats Tv mouthpiece Fox News. They blocked all the calls from the Nothern States , Eastern States and Calif.They wanted the South to win again.

  3. Jean P on May 21st, 2009 7:18 pm

    I guess i hit a nerve

  4. pz on May 22nd, 2009 12:10 am

    Given that they got about 100 million votes when about 20 million watched and most of them probably didn’t vote, I’m guessing their system didn’t block much. Someone, somewhere said that 1/3 of the votes came from Arkansas. That’s over 30 million votes from a state that has no people in it. It’s their lack of blocking votes that is the real problem.

  5. Lee on May 22nd, 2009 5:37 am

    Eh, Kara’s the one that should be booted…

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