Kris Allen Tops Susan Boyle For ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ Crown: AT&T Admits Overeager Employees Helped Fans Text For Kris

May 31, 2009 · Filed Under Kind of Satire 

In a shocker that had Clay Aiken’s ears bleeding, Kris Allen, who did not even participate, won first place in Saturday’s Britain’s Got Talent final, beating out odds on favorite, Susan Boyle.

“I’m sorry, I don’t even know what to feel right now. This is crazy,” said a stunned Allen, 23, of Conway, Ark. “I don’t even know where England is.”

While there are those who believe that zealous Christians wouldn’t vote for the overt sexiness of the signature Boyle shimmy that the silvery-toned temptress titillated fans with after each performance, late reports reveal that a few overeager AT&T employees brought demo phones to “Britain’s Got Talent”viewing parties in Arkansas, sending the at home text-voting for Allen over the top.

While it surprised many, Judge Simon Cowell was not among them.

“I knew from the first time she came on to the stage,” declared Cowell. “Susan isn’t gay, but the whole, ‘never been kissed’ folderol had many fundamentalists questioning what she was.”

For his win, Allen gets to perform before the Queen, while Queen has invited Boyle to replace the late Freddie Mercury.

Steve

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Comments

3 Responses to “Kris Allen Tops Susan Boyle For ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ Crown: AT&T Admits Overeager Employees Helped Fans Text For Kris”

  1. 1PissedOffSandy on May 31st, 2009 1:40 pm

    And they say Christian fundalmentalists want kissing saved for after marriage!

  2. misty on June 1st, 2009 2:36 am

    YOU ARE ONE CONFUSED PERSON…But I guess you knew that..LOL

  3. rachel on June 1st, 2009 2:57 am

    for the record, i’m an arkansan and a kris fan (and adam and allison)– but this was funny, i must admit.

    btw- i did not attend those parties with the at&t reps and i did not have power-textual intercourse with my phone.

    fyi…fix ’signature’.

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