Neiman Marcus and Sarah Palin Set Deal For Clothing Line After Election

October 24, 2008 · Filed Under 2008 Election, John McCain, Kind of Satire, Sarah Palin 

In an arrangement not to be announced until November 4th, the upscale specialty department store chain, Neiman-Marcus and Republican Vice Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin have agreed in principal to open a chain of outlet stores offering discounted Palinwear™, while creating a line of higher-priced Palinwear™ for their upscale locations.

A representative from Neiman Marcus said their new Palinwear™ Collection will be affordable for today’s hockey mom as well as the plumbers’ ex-wives who haven’t been getting the support necessary to buy at our upscale stores.

“Of course there are plenty of women, as well as some pro-American drag queens who just want to look like Sarah,” said Neiman Marcus spokeswoman, Ann Taylor.  “The clothes that were purchased by the Republican National Committee for Governor Palin will need a home after the election.  We’re not talking knockoffs here. We’ll be selling those in the foreign markets overseas where Sarah’s stylings have gathered a huge, though unAmerican, following.”

Taylor said the Palinwear™ outlet may just be the start of an ever-growing “Palin-franchise.” 

“We want to be the place real Americans go for all their Palin needs,” said Taylor.  “Expect to see a UBetcha line of women’s casual, Big As The 49th™ for the plus-sized, and Whoops™, a hip outlet for coolest in unwed teen- maternity apparel.”

Taylor promises the Palinwear™ brand won’t be forgetting the men.

“Just Todd™ will embrace the real American outdoorsmen,” said Taylor.  ”Just Todd™ will have everything from the Pit Bull ™ line of work and ski-bum outerwear to First Dude™ goin’ to meetin’ formalwear and Look! I Bet They’re Plannin’ Something™, a sportsman’s optical department with lenses capable of ’seeing neighboring countries.’” 

McCain/Palin campaign denied to comment on the stores but looked to a Palin vice presidency.

“Our only plans for Governor Palin center around her running the Senate and preparing the her inevitable takeover of the presidency,” said McCain/Palin spokesman, Tucker Bounds.

“We’re in a win-win situation,” said Taylor. ”If Obama wins, 95% of the public will have tax cuts with which to buy Palinwear™. If McCain/Palin wins, the people making over $250,000 will have enough money to buy RNC originals.  And if things go right, Cindy McCain will take these stores off our hands when the buzz peters out.” 

In other Nieman-Marcus acquisition news the over-priced cash cow announced an additional agreement with Palin’s makeup stylist, Amy Strozzi, who was paid more than any other McCain staffer for the past two months.  The Lipstick on The Sow™ cosmetic line will be expensive, but what what Neiman Marcus and the RNC say, “Is absolutely necessary to sell a pig in a poke…whatever that means.”

The way we look at it, it had to be a package deal,” said Taylor. “This Strozzi woman must be really good or know where the bodies are buried to get paid that much. Either way, that’s the type of business person we want to be in business with.”



7 Responses to “Neiman Marcus and Sarah Palin Set Deal For Clothing Line After Election”

  1. melissa on October 25th, 2008 7:06 am

    I hear polar bear coats and beluga whale skin jackets will be the cornerstone of the new line . ..

  2. Sonia on October 25th, 2008 5:25 pm

    This must be a joke or fake news. Or if it is really a business decision by NM, good luck! Well educated American women are not stupid to waste tons of money (like Sarah) to have the bubble-headed look of Sarah! I myself and my well educated female friends find that she is despicable! Not as a mother, but as a politician (arrogant, ignorant, narrow-minded, and hypocrite). She has said something like “there is a place in Hell for women who don’t support other women” - like her? Jesus Christ! Sorry, Sarah, all of my well educated female friends (all ethnic groups - including White - and party associations) are voting for Obama. I guess we all will go to Hell, despite the fact that we are good and decent women.

  3. Pat Sharp on October 25th, 2008 5:38 pm

    Oh but I remember now, I used to Love your christmas catalogue…………with it’s specisl holiday offerings………’This year you are doing that AWFUL $60,000. lego portrait gimmick.
    Never underestimate the bad taste of the AMerican public! H L Menken.

  4. joeyalkes on October 26th, 2008 5:37 am

    I think she is going to do a Playboy Centerfold and be the real time Ann Coulter for ET, after these pukedoms are sent packing by a truly fed up public!

    Ah, go to a meeting.

  5. TF on October 26th, 2008 3:07 pm

    This is UNREAL. They CAN’T be serious. Well, guess I won’t shop there anymore.

  6. SDS on November 2nd, 2008 4:28 am

    Of COURSE they aren’t serious! This is a satire - in plain language, a joke.

  7. Jim on January 5th, 2011 9:37 pm

    Ha well I’m blown away by the number of people who thought this was an actual news story… but realizing it is in fact satire, I love it! Quite funny, but also poignant — how crazy her clothing-gate has become, huh? Oy…

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