New GOP Healthcare Talking Points Leaked: The Obama Plan Could Mark End of Bingo
To: Radio/TV Talk Show Hosts and Pundits
From: Michael Steele, GOP Chairman
Subject: FYEO - Health Plan Information Distribution
Remember…Fear sells!
There’s far more danger than meets the eye in President Obama’s program. While he promises affordable health insurance for everyone, what he and the Democrats aren’t telling you is that there will be hell to pay if you’re over 55. To the Democrats, 55 is the new 95.
Some of the programs and events that will be affected or prohibited altogether under the president’s tax hike health program include…
Standing in pool and making believe that swirling your arms in the water is exercise will be banned as well as wading into the ocean and splashing water on yourself and calling it swimming. Seniors will be made to actually move their feet to be eligible for medical care.
Prostate swelling will be taxed per millimeter of said enlargement.
Early bird specials will go the way of the Nehru jacket. Seniors will be forced to eat dinner after 4PM, without discount nor over-55 menus.
Sweet and Lows will have to be purchased. Lifting from restaurants will be deemed a felony with mandatory 12 month or life sentence - whichever comes first. Rolls pocketed from restaurants will be confiscated and the elderly thief will be perk walked into a paddy wagon driven by their condo president’s grandchildren
Driving and looking at the road through the steering wheel, driving less than 25 mph in the passing lane or not turning off your turn signal within five minutes after making a turn will be taxed.
A government committee will decide who will be allowed to gloat on their grandchildren’s success or brag about their child’s medical practice. A subcommittee will choose which grandchildren you can see.
Prunes with hot water will be rationed, deemed medicine, taxed and doled out only in the evening, just before getting in bed.
Yelling at kids to get off the lawn will be considered disorderly conduct.
A 200% death tax will be assessed on the Clapper two years BEFORE you die. Proof that the government knows when you will die.
Getting up to pee more than one time a night will be taxed. Elderly illegal aliens can pee as many times and whenever they want.
Acorn will organize the PGA’s Senior golf tour.
It will be illegal to have grandchildren come over to either show you how to access your email, cell phone or set up your DVR.
Matlock reruns will be blacked out in Southern Florida.
Note: Remember: It never hurts to remind the elderly that this is a healthcare plan developed by a shvatza.
Best,
Michael
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3 Responses to “New GOP Healthcare Talking Points Leaked: The Obama Plan Could Mark End of Bingo”
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Too funny, but Mike’s plan lacks a few key elements.
Many think Obama’s kill off gramps health program so the kids can collect their goddamn inheritances already, went into effect long before he took office, because the U.S. is already 55th on the worldwide list of longevityness.
“…not turning off your turn signal within five minutes after making a turn will be taxed.”
Except in the event the of codger death by heart attack while driving, after five minutes of turn signal-flashing, the car will automatically turn — even if it’s into someone’s driveway or onto a road headed straight for a cliff — if for no other reason than to stop the damn blinking that’s driven other drivers to Distraction, a small town in upper Illinois.
” Elderly illegal aliens can pee as many times and whenever they want,” especially thoses who are still picking strawberries and other crops in California, who will always be free to liberally water them with internal bodily fluids.
That plan will be known as drought ‘relief.’
” Matlock reruns will be blacked out in Southern Florida.”
A last minute addition to the banned list is “Murder, She Wrote,” causing many elderly to go into a catatonic state where many think they reside anyway. Those who are still copus mentus, will be forced to hang with Jessica, because everyone close to her somehow gets off’ed through no fault of his own.
CAQ
USE KISS METHOD
TELL EM TO SHOVE IT IF CANNOT DISCUSS
REDUCE COSTS FOR ALL
ALL HAVE ACCESS FOR ALL
IMPROVE QUALITY FOR ALL
The way I understand this is that rich people will pay more so that poor people can afford the doctor. This isn’t really communism, is it? Because with communists you didn’t have to pay for healthcare anything at all (except bribing the nurses so that you get more porridge).