Obama To Implement Green Stamps Commerce System
In a drastic new measure he says will close the multi-trillion dollar gap in the country’s budget, Obama’s transistion team announced plans to replace the country’s present economic structure with what he’s calling a Green Stamps commerce system.
“It was actually rather pragmatic,” said Obama transition chief, John Podesta. “Most everything else is growing exceedingly fast - education costs, defense spending, congressional earmarks, even the deficit. It’s only the economy that has declined.”
To fill the void created by the deletion of the lackluster economy President-elect Obama will be replacing the monetary system with Green Stamps.
“When we pay our taxes, we’d get Green Stamps back based on how much we paid in,” said President-elect Obama. “With those stamps we get to buy things we want, from children toys to adult toys, from jelly jars to hybrid Escalades, from household items to houses. It would be better than cash. Putting them into our banks or under the mattress would do us no good. They’d not garner interest. We’d HAVE to spend them or they wouldn’t be worth the price of a….stamp.”
The plan’s bullet points include:
Stores would take their trailer loads books of stamps and use them to purchase inventory from their manufacturers. They would use them to buy equipment, parts and supplies to make their product. The suppliers would use them to buy food and other needs for their families. It’s the Circle Of Life without getting Disney involved, so even Baptists could participate.
Taxes wouldn’t have to be cut. Decreases in taxes would mean less stamps to the public. Green Stamps would be used to pay taxes.
The Federal Government would use the stamps to buy tanks, planes, missile defense shields.
Senators and Congressmen would be paid in Green Stamps.
States would use Green Stamps to pay for roads and graft.
Food stamps would be replaced by Green Stamps. Then poor people wouldn’t have to be embarrassed by using them because rich people would be forced to use them too.
Tens of thousands of Green Stamp machines would be placed in 7-11s and Walmarts.
As the program grows, there be other color stamps as there were yellow, gold and blue chip stamps in the past. Competition could only enhance the stamp biz and offer the consumer choices as well as the inevitable “Make America Yellow,” “America’s Got The Blues” and “We Give Double And Triple Stamps Of Every Color” sales that will benefit the consumer as well as bring all peoples together.
Obama’s original plan to ship the entire economy and deficity into Guam during the January inauguration festivities was frustrated when Homeland Security said it would conflict with the Patriot Act.
“Now that was crazy,” said Erthangood.
Steve
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In a related story, the Green Stamp, stamp of approval was give by the American Medical Association.
The glue on the stamps will be fortified by the Meat-A-Vita-Vegemin company owned and operated by Lucy Arnaz, who’s new slogan is “Licking Disease.”
Why don’t you have this tagged as comedy? Someone out there is nutty enough to actually beleive this.
What do you mean, “comedy”?
Then again, if I had placed a “satire” reference at the top of the story you might have not…
Wait a minute. I did.
SY
GREEN STAMPS???? Now what the hell am I supposed to do with all these Raleigh Coupons?
That’s a joke, right?
Your cousin Duffus from the Ozarks.
I’m sorry, Steve. It’s obviously a joke, but I thought I was reading the New York Times when I read it.
Alan,
Why do you think O’Reilly hates me?
SY
The federal reserve already did this.
September 18, 2008, in the White House Rose Garden, Christopher Cox (S.E.C. Chair.), Ben Bernanke (Fed. Res. Chair.), Henry Paulson (U.S. Sec. of the Tres.) and The General Accounting Office of the (U.S.A.) issued this statement.
“A full economic collapse is inevitable”
I don’t know if you’re aware of the Obama Bucks floating around on the internet. It’s a picture of Obama with donkey ears surrounded by a bucket of KFC, watermelon, koolaid and ribs. Actually it’s funny when you know that it was part of a newsletter sent out to a conservative white Republican crowd.
I too didn’t really know if this was a joke or not considering S & H green stamps were part of the 1960’s era that I remember. Also, didn’t the government issue some kind of stamps back in the war days to ordinary people for stuff?
They’ve brought back the layaway plan. Back in the olden days(10 years ago) so all the good kids can still get their toys this year even though the parents no longer have a house and no credit.
Why not stamps?
Actually I think this bartering system idea is great.
why not ? stamps ?
I really don’t like Obama myself, he is going to end the world!
Great blog, I really liked this post. I love to garden, especially in my greenhouse! I will be back and have bookmarked your site, thanks.