Rand Paul Suggests Law of Gravity Be Left to States

May 26, 2010 · Filed Under Glenn Beck, Kind of Satire, Satire 
In a recent interview with Rachel Maddow of MSNBC, Senatorial candidate Rand Paul (R, Ky) expressed controversial views concerning a number of issues thought to be a matter of settled law. While his statements concerning civil rights received the most attention, his position on a heretofore unchallenged law seems to have escaped media analysis…the law of gravity

“I’m not in favor of discrimination in any form. I would never belong to any private club that denied gravity for any race of people,” Paul said. “But we still have plenty of American space rockets where gravity does not exist.  Are we to tell our country’s hard working astronauts that they are no longer allowed to spend time in areas that might discriminate against gravity.”

Paul told Maddow that he agrees with most parts of the law of gravity but takes exception with a particular clause that makes it unacceptable for those who chose to do so, to float away.  Paul explained that, had he been in office when the first apple  fell from a tree, he would have tried to stop every massive particle in the universe from attracting every other massive particle with a force which is directly proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them.

“If non-Americans like Galileo and Newton choose to  subscribe to so-called gravity, that is their choice,” said Paul. “Just as it is any other person’s choice  to not  have electro-magnetic forces and matter coalesce.”

Paul’s postulation is not without backers. His supporters - scientists, conservative think tanks such as the Let Air Alone Institute, and companies such as ExxonMobil - have challenged gravity adherents and  disagree with scientific consensus. They believe that the science of things falling down when dropped is uncertain, and while there are some objects that may be affected by “so-called gravity,” there is enough scientific as well as historical evidence to question the law.

Conservative talk show host and chalk board advocate, Glenn Beck, says that gravity as a law stifles the rights our founding fathers fought and died for.

“While not inscribed in the Constitution,” Beck points out, “Anyone who has studied Thomas Jefferson’s papers knows that he wrote to Ben Franklin that ‘Man has been created in the image of God, and God himself stays above the clouds without the aid of  mechanism or trickery. Similarly, flying or hovering above the ground should not be forbidden to any person…excepting women and non-protestants .’”   

While Paul believes in the right of gravity, he doesn’t think the federal government should be imposing it on local jurisdictions.

“At the least, gravity should be a matter of state’s rights,” said Paul. “But I think what’s important in this debate is not getting into any specific ‘Gotcha’ on this, but asking the question ‘What about the freedom to float?’ Tell me you haven’t ever dreamt that you were able to fly, even it’s only three feet above the ground.  This is a slippery slope. What’s next? Outlawing our dreams? We don’t limit racists from dreaming.  And while I don’t want to be associated with those people, I also don’t want to limit their dreams in any way. We tolerate boorish and uncivilized behavior because that’s one of the things that freedom requires: allowing people to be boorish, ignorant, bigoted, and uncivilized, and to talk for hours about things they know nothing about. But that doesn’t mean we approve of it.”

While not all Republican leaders are ready to support Paul’s gravitational statements, saying they have not yet had an opportunity to fully study Paul’s position on gravity and weigh its merits, others like Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.), a Paul-booster, are fully on board.. 

“Today it’s gravity,” said DeMint. “Tomorrow they’ll be stuffing abolitionism down our throats.”

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One Response to “Rand Paul Suggests Law of Gravity Be Left to States”

  1. spinnikerca on May 26th, 2010 10:12 pm

    There is no question but that laws of gravity should be left to the states. They are not an enumerated power of the federal government, and hence fall under the 9th and 10th amendments –leaving them to the states….

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