Records Show Bush Not Worst President

December 4, 2008 · Filed Under George W. Bush, Kind of Satire 

Long Missing Records Reveal Story of Catastrophic President Who Served For 15 Minutes Between William Henry Harrison and John Tyler

In the first positive news for President Bush who has been spending the final days of his term defending his presidency, Fox contributor and architect of the Bush legacy, Karl Rove revealed just after a talk defending Bush, a worse president than George W Bush.

“Just after William Henry Harrison had passed away thirty days into his term from pneumonia caught during his inaugural and before Tyler took the oath of office,” claimed Rove, “Melvin Irving, a White House butler, was placed in charge of the Republic for approximately fifteen minutes until Tyler got back from his prolonged visit to the bathroom due to severe colon distress over his sudden and unanticipated rise to Commander in Chief.”

The records show that the only people in the room waiting for Tyler were Supreme Court Justice Roger Brooke Taney and Irving. Being that Taney was the only one who could legally administer the oath of office and someone had to being charge of the country, Taney swore in Irving.

The records offer a tumultuous quarter of an hour where President Irving somehow was able to find time to lead the U.S. into an unnecessary war against Alaska, presided over an unprecedented financial collapse of the cotton gin industry, made slavery mandatory, threw Mrs. Harrison - in the midst of childbirth - out of the White House, changed the Constitution into German, and as Tyler was running out of the bathroom with his pants at his ankles, attempted to turn the U.S. back to England.

“The records of the Irving Presidency had been moved to Syria just before the Iraq people invited us to invade and remove Saddam Hussein,” claimed Rove. “Luckily, we discovered them in time to put the disastrous effect President Bush had on the world into proper perspective.”

Steve

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3 Responses to “Records Show Bush Not Worst President”

  1. martin weiss on December 4th, 2008 6:05 pm

    absolutely brilliant… love it… funny as a rubber crutch… saturday night live needs you..
    keep ‘em comin’

  2. Steve Young on December 4th, 2008 9:03 pm

    MW,

    You have may permission to send them a note…please copy Jon Stewart.

    SY

  3. Raenelle on December 4th, 2008 10:40 pm

    Bush still tops even poor Melvin Irving’s record. Only one industry? Only one war? Where’s the torture? Where’s the corruption? Where’s the indignity of a president who dresses up? Where’s the tarnished international reputation?

    Bush is still number one.

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