Steve In Ink (11/27/08)
Caution: Philly references amundo
THE PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER
Thursday November 27, 2008
It’s Turkey Time Year Round
by Steve Young
Turkey - 1. large birds in the genus Meleagris native to North America. 2. a useless thing, unwise purchase, a box office bomb in entertainment, or a foolish person and their despicable behavior.
Here are just some of 2008’s best turkeys.
Donovan McNabb - The Bird’s quarterback who spent so much time throwing the ball into the ground or the stomach of the opposing team, he never had a chance to read the NFL’s rule book.
Andy Reid - For his inability to place his players in a better position to win during a game or actually answer any question after the game about
why he hadn’t.
13-13 Tie In Cincinnati - See above.
Wall Street - Turned its financial gambling parlor into a stacked game of Russian roulette with every chamber full.
Milton Street - Just “Milton Street.”
Federal Government - As part of the president’s economic stimulus package, they spent $42 million to send out letters telling us that in May we’d get another letter with a $600 check in it.
nomination.
Television - Patting itself on the back by using four reality show hosts - one wasn’t bad enough? - as their 2008 Emmy Award hosts.
Mortgage Companies - Loaning money to those who couldn’t afford to pay them back and expecting the loans would be repaid.
Gas Companies - Saying they had no control on how many zillions in profit the garnered while, for most of the year, causing us to have to take out a loan - if we could have gotten one - to pay for filling up the car.
Automakers - Flying to Washington in private jets to tell congress they need more of our money to stay in business…and continue to afford
private jets.
Vince’s “Friends” - All those friends and family of Senator Vince Fumo who were happy to feast on the benefits of siding up to the former state
powerhouse before the FBI was invited for dinner, then turned state’s evidence to protect themselves from being skinned and becoming one of the Fed’s side dishes.
Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin ((Too many to list, but let’s try this one…) - Not knowing one newspaper she read.
Governor Sarah Palin - For photo-op where she gave clemency to a turkey while in the background turkeys were actually being butchered.
John McCain - Placing a capable governor in a position she was not capable of handling. (See Reid)
McCain Campaign - Anonymously dishing the “she’s unbelievably inept” dirt after the presidential election on the same Sarah Palin they had endorsed as more than competent enough to be a heartbeat away from the presidency before the election.
Barack Obama - Saying that working class voters who were bitter and clung to guns or religion for relief.
Joe Biden - Generally any opening of his mouth to the point words came out.
SEPTA - Requesting everyone to take mass transit on Phillies Parade Day then not preparing for everyone taking mass transit on Phillies Parade Day.
Bill O’Reilly -Repeatedly insulting the Folks by thinking that anyone with half a brain actually believes he is an objective journalist…or
objective…or a journalist.
Keith Olbermann - Not inviting one opposing viewpoint to his Countdown show on MSNBC the entire year and making his Special Comment segment more melodramatic and overacted than an All My Children death scene.
Michael Phelps - For his post-Olympics self-promotion tour that made Brad and Angelina appear underexposed.
California’s Proposition 8 - Defending marriage by condemning marriage.
Philadelphia Judge Paul Tressler - Deciding that five years was enough time to give Professor Rafael “Raffi” Robb for brutally murdering his
defenseless wife, Ellen.
George W. Bush - For announcing that he had commiserated with families of American soldiers killed in Iraq by giving up golf.
George W. Bush - Playing golf a month after the date he said he had given up golf.
Mamma Mia Producers - Thinking it would be a good idea if Pierce Brosnan sang.
WIP’s Angelo Cataldi - Ripping the Phillies and manager Charlie Manual unmercifully before smothering them with I knew you could do it hugs and kisses.
Jimmy Rollins - Calling Phillies fans “front runners” and then…ah, hell, who cares? We won!
Steve Young is author of “Great Failures of the Extremely Successful” (greatfailure.com) and blogs at steveyoungonpolitics.com
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