Steve In Ink (12/12/08) Philadelphia Inquirer

December 12, 2008 · Filed Under 2008 Election, Barack Obama, Fox News, Kind of Satire 

Today Steve (3rd Person is so impersonally intimate) hits the oped page of the Philadelphia Inquirer… 

Just a few questions, Mr. Obama - if that really is your name . . .

If Obama continues to ignore these questions, lawsuits over his eligibility threaten to tie up the courts for years, leaving us leaderless - which, as the past eight years have shown, can be very messy.

Here are just a few potential legal challenges to Obama’s presidential legitimacy:

Electoral College accreditation. Obama cannot be elected because no nationally recognized accrediting agency has determined the Electoral College to be reliably accredited under the Higher Education Act of 1965.

Age requirement. Even if Obama was born in the United States, with no legitimate birth certificate, how do we know for sure that he is not 28 years old? I mean, just look at him. 46? Yeah, right.

Traffic hazard. With predictions of record turnout for his inauguration, which would hamper emergency vehicles and equipment in the greater Washington area, the Obama presidency constitutes a public-safety hazard.

Jobs program: Hundreds of crazed ideologues who have been working diligently to keep a duly elected president out of the White House could be forced to seek gainful employment if Obama is inaugurated, further swelling the ranks of the unemployed.

Electoral quid pro quo. Obama entered into a tacit arrangement with a co-conspiratorial segment of the public whereby, if they were to contribute sufficient votes to his candidacy, Obama agreed to become their president.

Chicago taint. Rod Blagojevich, William Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, Tony Rezko, the ‘68 Democratic convention, Al Capone, the Black Sox Scandal, Mrs. O’Leary’s cow - and we’ll close with “25 or 6 to 4.” Come on, there’s got to be something there!

Court of final appeal. In the absence of Supreme Court certification, review and relief sought from TV’s Judge Judy.

Steve

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