BILL KRISTOL COMPLIMENTS OBAMA SPEECH, SUFFERS POSSIBLE CAREER-THREATENING INJURY

August 29, 2008 · Filed Under 2008 Election, Fox News, John McCain, Kind of Satire, Media, Satire · 6 Comments 

In what were a few frightening moments for Fox News, rescue squad doctors were rushed to the FoxNews broadcasting platform at Denver’s Invesco Stadium where FoxNews contributor and Weekly Standard editor, Bill Kristol, had suffered what onlookers had feared was some sort of brain aneurysm or stroke.

“We had first thought Bill had been dipping into the FoxNews convention punch Read more

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Satire To Sue New Yorker

July 16, 2008 · Filed Under 2008 Election, Dick Cheney, Media, Satire · 5 Comments 
In an unprecedented legal move that should shakeup the dictionary industry already under siege by critics and linguists, Satire - the word and its definition - has filed suit against The New Yorker for classifying its cartoon depiction of Barack and Michele Obama as satire.

“Words can no longer stand by and let the media abuse them without retribution,” said Satire’s lawyer, Noah Webster VI. “Words have rights too. But more importantly, they have real meaning and represent to people the truth. The courts have said so.”

Webster, who successfully defended Truth in “Cheney vs Last Throes,” “Fox vs News” and the landmark, “Funny vs Dane Cook,” is suing The New Yorker under the “Is” law - named after former President Bill Clinton’s “It depends what the meaning of ‘is’ is” triangulation of the linking verb in his attempt to weasel out of an admission of an affair - which set a legal standard for words and phrases, legislating proper usage and criminalizing most perversions of proper terminology.

Not since the class action law suit enjoined by the words “Independent,” “Logic” and “Journalist” against Bill O’Reilly, has the meaning Read more

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It’s The Constitution, Stupid! What Qualifies Any Idiot To Be President

July 2, 2008 · Filed Under 2008 Election · 4 Comments 

The Constitution is a wacky, kinda living, kinda not, document that explains just what we Americans can get away with. It also frames the conditions within which one can run for the position where one American can get away with the most - President of the United States of America.

Specifically, the US Constitution, Article II, Section 1, reads…

No person except a natural born citizen, or a citizen of the United States, at the time of the adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that office who shall not have attained to the age of thirty-five years, and been fourteen years a resident within the United States.
 
 
In addition there is the Term Limit Amendment XXII, Section 1…
No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of the President more than once.
 
 
Far from trying to select a Pope, the Constitution makes everything else printed on its pages neither a qualification nor disqualification for one to become President. But even with the Constitution’s specifics, there has been some controversy as to what does or not qualify one to be President. Being a POW or DUI has never kept anyone from becoming President or Vice President. Nor does it necessarily make a good President or Vice for that matter. A drivers licence doesn’t make you eligible to enter the Indy 500, but not having one could keep you out. Complicated, huh?  Not necessarily, but pointing it out itself can be a tightrope walk so tenuous that political correctness might dissuade anyone not Read more

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